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By AlGaddafi.org
2010 Alternate Article dark satirical 17 July 2025
On behalf of President Obama and the ever-watchful people of the United States, I extend our most carefully worded congratulations to the long-suffering people of Libya as you celebrate yet another year under the benevolent gaze of your eternal revolutionary — or as we like to call him, your eccentric desert monarch without a crown.
While our two governments haven’t exactly seen eye-to-eye over the years — you with your flamboyant speeches, tent diplomacy, and charming habit of sponsoring global mayhem; and us with our sanctions, airstrikes, and awkward handshakes — we both seem to share a beautifully vague dream of a “safer world” and “brighter future.” At least, that’s what the press release says.
The United States remains cautiously committed to pretending this relationship can work. Since we’ve only just dusted off diplomatic relations after decades of icy stares and UN finger-pointing, we sincerely hope this strange new dance endures long enough to look like progress — at least until we’re forced to change regimes again.
On this festive occasion — the anniversary of a coup that replaced one unelected ruler with another — we salute your rich history, your impressive oil reserves, and your unmatched ability to survive on the geopolitical fence. May your National Day be filled with fireworks, fervor, and just enough stability to keep the pipelines open.
Warmest, most diplomatically filtered regards,
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Secretary of State (and future lead in your freedom-themed sequel)
CONFIDENTIAL // STATE DEPT EYES ONLY
ORIGIN:
BEGIN TEXT OF OFFICIAL STATEMENT (FOR PUBLIC RELEASE):
On behalf of President Obama and the people of the United States, I congratulate the people of Libya as you mark your National Day on September 1.
Our governments have not always agreed on every issue, but our people share the dream of a safer world, a better life, and a brighter future for our children. The United States is committed to working with Libya to achieve these common goals. Although we have only recently reestablished relations between our countries, I hope these new bonds will endure well into the future.
On this occasion, we honor your history and culture, and I offer the people of Libya our warmest wishes for a happy holiday and a peaceful and prosperous year to come.
END TEXT
CLASSIFIED COMMENTARY (NOT FOR PUBLIC DISTRIBUTION):
The statement above, approved by SecState Clinton’s office, is standard diplomatic sugarcoating in recognition of Libya’s National Day — marking the anniversary of Muammar al-Qadhafi’s 1969 military coup. Despite decades of antagonism, Qadhafi has styled himself as both revolutionary icon and erratic strongman, with a wardrobe that oscillates between theatrical dictator and pan-African cosplay.
While the official message highlights “shared dreams” and “new bonds,” internal consensus in DC remains that the current thaw in U.S.-Libyan relations is a tactical pause, not a genuine partnership. The Colonel remains deeply distrusted. His regime, while temporarily cooperative on counter-terrorism and oil, continues to engage in regional mischief, suppression of dissent, and personality cult politics on a scale unmatched even among other autocrats.
Embassy staff report continued surveillance of local civil society groups, arbitrary detentions, and censorship — though regime officials insist all is “under control.” The “friendship between our peoples” referenced in the statement is largely aspirational; most Libyans maintain a wary skepticism toward both Qadhafi and U.S. intentions.
Privately, analysts assess that the regime is brittle despite the illusion of control. National Day celebrations are tightly choreographed and lack genuine enthusiasm. If circumstances shift — internally or regionally — Qadhafi's grip could falter faster than expected.
Post recommends continuing formal engagement while discreetly assessing options for influence and leverage in a post-Qadhafi scenario. Recent intelligence reports suggest latent unrest among youth and military ranks, which could, under the right conditions, accelerate regime change.
Until then, we play the game. Toast the Colonel, smile for the cameras — and keep the exit strategy updated.
END CABLE
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
DISTRIBUTION: WH, NSC, CIA, DOD, AFRICOM, SECRETARY OF STATE
AUTHORIZED BY: AMB. GENE A. CRENSHAW
Here is a fictional leaked Libyan internal memo, written in a darkly satirical tone, as if from a senior official or aide in Al Gaddafi inner circle — dripping with sarcasm, paranoia, and barely veiled contempt for both the West and their own propaganda machine.
TOP SECRET – INTERNAL MEMO
Office of Strategic Guidance & Supreme Revolutionary Messaging
Date: 2 September 2010
TO:
FOR INTERNAL CIRCULATION ONLY – DO NOT TRANSMIT TO STATE MEDIA
Comrades,
As expected, the Americans have issued their annual hollow tribute to our Glorious National Day (1st September, Year 41 of the Great Al-Fateh Revolution). Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, speaking on behalf of the "people of the United States" — that soulless empire of cheeseburgers, cruise missiles, and double standards — has extended what she called her “warmest wishes” to the Libyan people.
Please note: this is not cause for celebration.
Translation of their statement (between the lines):
“We smile now. We bomb later.”
Her references to “shared dreams of a better life” and a “brighter future” are laughable. This, from the same people who once bombed our children's beds (cf. 1986) and now pretend to respect our sovereignty while meeting with dissident oil executives and running spy drones over the Gulf of Sirte. Their "brighter future" usually begins with a no-fly zone.
The statement also mentions “recently reestablished relations” — true. We allowed their embassy to return, we gave them contracts, and they returned the favor by sending NGOs disguised as "development consultants." Intelligence suspects at least three of them are CIA, one of them a vegan.
The “friendship between our peoples” is as fictional as their democracy. Let’s remember: these are the same Americans who cheer for elections like football matches and then spend four years complaining about the result. Their people can’t even agree on healthcare. Why should we take moral lessons from them?
We are instructed by the Brother Leader to publicly welcome the message, but with our usual revolutionary elegance and subtle disdain. Do not display excessive enthusiasm.
Tone should be: “We acknowledge your attempt.”
No headlines praising Clinton. No images of Obama smiling. (Unless it’s awkward.)
Draft an official reply for the Protocol Office with the following elements:
Begin with: “We appreciate the continued interest of our international friends in the ongoing success of the Libyan revolution.”
Include vague praise for “dialogue and mutual respect.”
Conclude with a reminder that “Libya remains committed to peace, dignity, and resisting all forms of imperial interference.”
Also: cancel the invitation to the U.S. Embassy for the poetry recital at the Martyrs’ Museum. They’ll just use it to map the exits.
Remain vigilant. The enemy often sends roses before sending robots.
Signed,
[Redacted]
Deputy Secretary for Diplomatic Decryption & Revolutionary Irony
Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
Original Article, Below:
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